Thursday, April 26, 2007

Love and Sleep

Alright so normally I dont just write a lot of mess in this blog, but Im sitting at my job just tryin to stay awake. The typing is so sloppy Im tempted to just leave them uncorrected because fixing my mistakes is starting to get really irritating. But I just gotta keep my eyes open. Please dont judge my abilities by this poor blog. My other stuff is much, much better. Infact you should stop reading this and read some of the other post. I am sllleeeeeeppppyyy and very much so ready to go. I dont even have any thing to say and Im probably just wasting your time if youre reading this cause I dont really have any thought provoking thoughts. I really dont have any thoughts at all. Im gonna make an attempt at something just to make an attempt at something.

I read my bible this morning. I read in 1st Corinthians chapter 13; maybe like the first 10 verses or so. So its talking about love. Its talking about how love is long suffering and kind; how it keeps no records of past wrong doings and evils, etc. It says love isnt jealous and doesnt boast or anything like that. After reading this, I started doing a lil soul searching. I started to look at my life and search for any instances, in any one of any of my past relationships where I was able to go through "long suffering" with somebody or was able to continually forgive someone for their "wrong doings" as they used me for a human toilet. I cant say I have felt that way for any female. Now I know that this scripture isnt referring specifically to love inside of an opposite sex relationship; moreso along the lines of "love thy neighbor", treat people how you wanna be treated and "forgive 7 times 70..." BUT the same rules should apply. You shouldnt treat your significant other any worse than you treat your best friend. Even if your best friend is just your bitch............. (female dog).

Im sorry. I just couldnt resist.

Anyway. After realizing that I hadnt felt "that feeling" anytime recently, I began to question whether or not I was capable with my current line of thinking. It reminded me of a magazine article I read a while ago in some magazine which was talkin about this guy and his new found girlfriend. Now, the writer of the article was lookin at this guy and observing his actions and he was talkin about how the guy was all up under her and probably would have done anything this female would have asked him to; describing him as being relatively "soft" and "whipped". Then the writer had a moment; he got a revelation. He said "maybe this guy has it right and we've all had it wrong all this time." I think the writer began to see exactly how scarred and bitter men have become by his own, very common, thought process. I think society.... On second thought I dont even feel like getting into how society has shaped our thought processes and gender bias and stuff like that. I dont feel like it. Society is jacked up. Period.

Yeah, so.... Im done talkin now. Im still sleepy. Im sorry for wasting your time if I did, but oh well. Thanks for keeping me up. Peace.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007


I feel a little strange. I feel strange because the world is forcing me to see color more than I want too. I want to be one of those people who dont see the lines or disparity - BUT unfortunately the people in power are making that nearly impossible.

Over the past few weeks I've seen quite a few things that made me think Dave Chappelle was right; everytime those politicians speak and say words like "Minority", they really just wanna say Nigga. Im seeing a chain of events thats occurring to further downplay the importance of the darker skinned american throughout history. It started out with the boy king movie NOT being played during black history month; something that used to be played every black history month. "Oh no we dont need to play that, they dont really wanna watch that anyway. Lets just put on another re-run of the Waynes Brothers. They like to laugh".

We went from that to it not being neccessary to apologize for slavery. With a response to our request that was basically a mockery of their request. Saying something to the affect of "We cant just go around apologizing for everything everybody did throughout history. And besides, I wasnt even alive back then". The bad part about it was that the general public went on a rampage about the topic in an ad on the AJC in which many people showed their true colors. Racism is pumping through the veins of many red blooded americans. I know a lot of people are going to say "You just now figuring that out?!?" but its different to know it some where deep in your mind versus hearing several people say it out of their mouths. I had a real Mario Winans moment - I dont wanna know. Suspecting it and seeing the monster face to face is a huge difference. BUT... We keep moving. Right after all of that we see a proposal for a month to celebrate the confederacy and its "integral" part in US history breeze through the powers that be without opposition. ????? Im speachless after that one..... but there is still more.

This Don Imus fella calls the Lady Rutgers basketball team "Nappy Headed Hos" and its another uproar. The station he works for loses two of its major advertisers during his show, one being Proctor and Gamble and the other escapes me right now, and Imus gets a mere 2 weeks suspension. Now normally, I could care less about what people say but then I had an "A time to kill moment". I asked myself "What if Imus was black and he referred to the Lady Tennessee Vols as 'Stringy Haired Hos' AND loss two main advertisers?!? What would have been his punishment then? I'll tell you. He would have been fired. I dont care how long he's been there. I dont care about his community service. I dont care about his past history. He would have been outta there that day. No debate on CNN. No meeting with the team. You wanna know how I know it's a double standard?!? Look at the Tim Hardaway situation. Tim Hardaway says he doesnt like homosexual people after being asked his opinion and he loses everything that even resembles a job; all endorsements - everything. Still not convinced?!? Look at the guy commentating the at that Florida Gator college football game when that fight broke out. He makes a statement something to the effect of "Thats what Im talking about. You bring that mess in the swamp and you get stomped".

Yeah.... Gone.

Anybody who even remotely tarnishes the image of the company is gone withouth question. There's no apologizing and getting your job back. There's no 2 week suspension. You are jobless.

The latest thing was the Corretta Scott King issue. Now while I think the legislator may have made a slightly extreme analogy by saying it was like calling Corretta Scott King a "nappy headed nigger" when they rejected her photo from being hung in the capital, she was who she was and she did what she did and if she was not a "nappy headed nigger", we probably wouldn't be having this conversation. BUT maybe Im wrong.... Maybe she WAS just another black lady, married to just another black man, who doesnt have his own national holiday, and maybe she didnt have 4 presidents at her funeral making speeches about her like the knew her personally when they probably didnt.

Truth be told, I dont wanna see any of this. I wanna feel like our world is perfect; like we have already gotten past all of this stupidity. But our ignorance as human beings make it impossible for ignorance to be bliss.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

That "Graveyard Love"

There was a term my sister use to use a while ago called "Graveyard Love". This is that "love" that some people have where one person has to die before they seperate. And we aint figuratively speaking either. We talking bout people committing suicide or killing each other over it. But mainly it was a joke the equivalent of calling somebody "whipped" or somethin like that.

Yeah so...

Im down at my job yesterday when somethin crazy happens. This lady gets shot by this man in the lobby of the Omni hotel which is attached to the CNN building, which is right up the street from where I work. Now, normally I probably would have been over there getting some snacks but today I was at the post office mailing off some important documents. At any rate, I hear about this story when I get back and there's all these cloudy details - two men had a shootout, gang violence, the man died, etc. Finally, all the information got cleared up and we find out its an argument between a man and a lady, the man gets mad, shoots her and then the security guard on duty shoots him. The lady dies and the man is rushed to the hospital and operated on. Now I asked myself a question, what could possibly make this man so mad that he would shoot her? I mean, I dont understand. If she said something crazy, how about walking away, deleting a phone number, or if it came down to it and he just had to get physical, why couldn't he just hit her once in the top of the head so it wouldnt leave a bruise? Why he had to shoot the girl? Now, truth be told, I don't know the situation. She coulda did somethin really low down, like sleep with his daddy/bestfriend/brother/all three or somethin, but come on, man. And I don't know how true it is but I've heard some rumor/report that she was pregnant. So now you got two people who have passed away over some mess that they probably coulda just talked about or just let go. It is probably easier for me to say that since, to some people, I have a reputation for cutting people off and them not even knowing why, which is both good and bad at the same time. But I cant think of any one of my past relationships that I feel like the girl needed to be shot or even anything that I have done that woulda got me killed. Maybe Im wrong, though..... Coulda been that "Graveyard Love" for real.....

Special Bum Fund

Yeah... I had to write today because I just had a bum try to hate on me on my way back from pickin up some snacks. The nigga (excuse my language, but Ima lil blowed) gone ask me for some change and when I told him I aint have none to share (since I dont carry cash downtown, just my debit card) he started the hate. The nigga said his lil viscious comments.

Then I said to myself: "Self?"

myself say: "Huh?"

I said: "Didnt that guy just ask you for some money cause you look like you had some?"

and myself said: "Yeah, I think he did."

Then I said: "So why is actin like I didnt just tell him the truth AND do him a favor by NOT helping him out since he is an able bodied young male who has passed about 3 'Now Hiring' signs to come and ask me for some of what I worked for when aint nothin wrong with him?"

Myself said: "..."

Yes, Im all for helping people out who really NEED help but I cant do nothin for a nigga who just wanna be pacified. I remember when I first started going to college, I had a set budget for myself of $60. $60 dollars to be downtown for 5 days; 3 hours a day. Explain to me how I was broke at the end of the week. I'll tell you how. Giving to people who talkin bout, "I just need 75 more cents so I can get on the train to go to the hospital to see my son" or "I just got out of prison and..." etc. I done heard them all. They tell you that and then 2 hours later you see them outside of McDonalds joking with their friends with a cigarette and 40 ounce. And naw, that aint racist or snobbish or playin on no stereotype - its real because I seen it. And them niggas took advantage. SO, as a result, I dont even carry much cash downtown anymore. You might catch me with $3. That way I can look these hatin, ungrateful, theivin', "homeless by choice" people, who I've seen everyday for the past 5 and 1/2 years, in the eye and tell them "No, Im sorry, I cant help you." I cant help you if you aint tryin to help yourself...

But I will give to a positive charity of your choice.....