Mind Control

Im tired of saying "Maybe Im wrong", so this time Im just gone say Im very sceptical of everything Ive ever learned in my history classes at school. Came accross this article on yahoo and theyre talkin about this map of the americas that was drawn a several years before anybody had traveled around the backside of the countries to even know that there was a pacific ocean. Now I have three (3) different theories as to how this could have happened, either the fella had a divine revelation from God (which I believe is very much possible), the dating of the map is wrong, or there was a political power move that that erased the truth form the history books. Or maybe its a combination of the above. The thing that gets me is how this same guy proceeds to deliver a new "revised" map a few years later with the name of america changed to somethin else AND with a much less detailed mass of land. They used the term "rolled back" on the article. I think I like the term "covered up" a little bit better.

All of this reminds me of the time I was watching Cornell West, Mos Def and Bill Maher talk. Mos Def proceeds to say during the interview "I dont believe we've ever been to the moon". And I started to think, "wait a second... over the course of my short life Ive seen a piece of that clip maybe, I dont know, three times. And all I remember is seeing this guy in a white 'space suit' walk real slow over somethin that that looks like the top of Stone Mountain?!? (above photo) Hmmm..." This "floating inside space ship" stuff can be simulated in theme park rides now. I dont know... Makes me wonder.... And for those of you who are gonna hit me with the "You just know starting to question the media?!?" comment, the answer is no. I havent just started questioning the media. Let the media tell it, nobody knew Katrina was gonna happen, the only thing white people die from is cancer and plane crashes, everybody who doesnt pass for either white or black is an illegal mexican, everybody who is not white is mentally inferior through genetics, racism doesnt exist, the justice system isn't racially biased, the government had nothing to do with drugs getting into the US, 911 wasn't orchestrated by the government, and the life expectancy of an african american male is about negative 3 days. Ive been sceptical of the media for quite a while. The two most reliable sources of information on tv are ESPN and Cartoon Network. Those two stations give you exactly what they advertise and those are the only two stations I watch other than to see a basketball or football game thats on another network. Mind control is what its all about. Unless you are a middle aged, over 6 foot, physically fit, suit wearing, white male, making over $250,000, with a white - stay at home - wife who knows how to cook up a 54 course meal and has the credentials to be a 6 star chef and was a virgin until honeymoon night, no illegitimate kids, enough money in your bank account to buy a small island off the cost of somewhere in south america - something is wrong with you.

In conclusion...

They say its 3 sides to every story: their side, your side and the truth. This is seemingly becoming more and more evident everyday. Seem like the only history you can trust is the one that God has built for you. Outside of that, you can pretty much guarantee that whoever is tellin the story has modified it in some form or fashion for their benefit. How this guy gone draw an accurate map of the americas and then go back and act like it never existed?!? Crazy...

MURDERER!!!

Yeah... So... Im ridin on my way to my job on Saturday morning and Im runnin a lil late. I left my house about 15 minutes or so after I was supposed to be leavin. Not somethin I usually do but sometimes things happen that delay me that are beyond my control. So Im takin my usual route of quick turns and short cuts to avoid the traffic on the way to the highway and I see this squirrel... I see him side the road and we make eye contact so Im thinkin "he see me and we got an understanding. He's definitely gonna sit there until I pass by." WRONG! (thanks Charlie Murphy) This fella waits until I get within feet of him and then darts out in front of my car. I tried to break but I wasnt gonna swirve because he wasnt finna make another Geico commercial outta me. I slowed a pretty good bit but still heard a "thump" up under my car. I looked in my rear view mirror and saw hit little body rolling and bouncin on the ground. It saddend me a lil bit and I hoped and prayed that he wasnt dead. I told myself he was unconscious and that he would get up before somebody finished him off. I returned the other day. Part of me didnt want to see but another part of me had to know if some other car had come by and smashed him up. I aint see him; nor did I see any blood stained pavement. He must have gotten up just like I knew he would. Be strong young (and hopefully not brain damaged) squirrel. And work on growin some wings so you can fly like Rocky on that old cartoon - The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show.

Daylight Savings Time

I hate Daylight Savings Time. I like Standard Time. For some strange reason, they extended Daylight Savings time and now it seems like this Standard Time aint "standard" at all and the daylight savings time last for longer than the standard time. I hate it. I cant stand having to get up earlier for what feels like absolutely no reason. Dont like the idea that a few men Ive never met are somewhere deciding what time my watch is gonna read and I hate getting up before the sun is up. At 7:26am it should not be black outside my window. I feel like Im waking up in the middle of the night. Its feels like its dusk when I leave and its dark again when I get home at 9pm. Its the worst. And whoever decided to push the "Standard time" back another week, I just might have to beat up. I officially dont like them. Im going back to work now - angry because I feel like Im being robbed of a natural sleep pattern for over half of a year.

I could be wrong (again) but...

The Blackout... Jena 6... Just by the mention of those two things, Ive made the topic of this blog a little bit controversial... But Im gonna speak on it...

So theres this blackout and Im not supposed to be spending money today and stuff like that. I guess because we are collectively supposed to be hurting "the man's" pockets. I wasn't even gone write about this today. It wasnt until I went on my lunch break with one of my colleagues and we're standing at a Wendys; My colleague is orderin his number 1 or whatever and this guy passes by and says "Thas right brothas... gone and spend ya money... dont observe the blackout." Ya know, real sarcastic like. I proceeded to look at him watch me turn around and ignore him. Now, while Im all for the cause... (and I might get attacked for this but...) Somebody please explain how not going Wendys is gonna stop a racist judge in a racist, hole in the wall town, from being racist. Demonstrations are great. Marching in Jena definately brought a lot of desperately needed attention to the situation - with positive results. BUT this type of "blackout" along with the "dont buy gas on whatever day" holdout seems a lil bit pointless. If nobody buys gas today, that just means twice as many people will be buying gas yesterday or tomorrow. Gas companies will still get their money. If nobody goes and sees American Gangster tonight (which I doubt); they'll still go tomorrow or Sunday and when the DVD comes out, theyll buy that too (Why arent there any black people making a huge movement against the bootleg game? No movies starring black actors should be bootlegged if we're gonna support each other. But anyway...) The theaters, actors, publishers, etc. (which, again, have nothing to do with the Jena 6 situation) will still get their money. Now, locally, this may hurt the economy of the people in Jena 6 if it were to be something on-going or if every black person there just moved, but honestly... This judge is still gonna wake up tomorrow and think the same way he did when he brought down the judgement - Regardless if we order a number 5 from Hardees today.

I like to see well thought out stuff, not just "Hey everybody lets just get together and do somethin just to say that we can get together about somethin!!!" The movement needs focus to be successful. I think the thing we need to focus on are our children. If our children are successful and dont have to go into the court system to begin with, then we wouldnt have to stop eating for a day or ride our gas tanks on E or whatever else whoever it is thats setting this up is gonna come up with. What this judge did was completely wrong, but there wouldnt be a discussion at all if there was never a case. Thats what would really hurt the judge - take away his cases. The problem with that is, in a racist town like that, they'll probably find a way to make up a charge to arrest somebody just to have somethin to do.

AND it just popped into my head... (Yall can all thank me later for this one) I HAVE COME UP WITH THE NEXT MOVEMENT FOR TOGETHERNESS!!! Lets all walk off our jobs next Monday at 3pm. This way, once we quit, "the man's" companies would flop, we wouldnt need gas since we wouldnt have anything to do or anywhere to go, AND we wouldnt have any money to purchase anything - so the blackout would happen by default. PLUS, with all the companies - other than black owned and managed stores of course - out of business, there wouldnt be anywhere to spend anything anyway. You may not recognize it now, but this is brilliance. After about 6 years or so of this, white people would be sure to recognize that they need us.

Right...

Although I may not have the solution. I do know that this aint the answer. And if Al Sharpton aint organize it, it aint real no ways... I could be wrong (again) though...

I'll just do it tomorrow... Im never gonna die anyway...

Came accross this article today and, maybe Im the only one but, I found this kinda disturbing. To live for one thousand years may be a dream for some - and of course nobody wants to die BUT... to literally come up with a way for a human to live for that long would be a serious problem. Not that I think people deserve to die or anything, but people HAVE to die. We are already over-populated on this earth and consuming at an alarming rate. (Not to mention all of this pre-teen humping thats going on.) If we start up this whole "Everybody gets to live 1000 years" movement, its gonna be some problems in the future. And these wont be small problems; its gonna be serious problems with getting the bare neccessities taken care of. You know - satisfying those basic food and shelter needs. This guy who wants this to come to past is kinda selfish in my opinion. Whats gonna happen when the natural resources run out? Yeah, you'll get to see a WHOLE LOT of Monday night football throughtout your life but I dont think thats gonna matter too much if it aint no water to drink and ya throat is too dry to tell ya homeboy about it...

Whats really goin on?!?

I apologize but Ive been tryin to stop writing so much - its been eating up too much of my time. I got like four blogs; One of which I have officially shut down. BUT... I read this headline. Just incase youre too lazy to click on the link, its talkin about the decision of a Maine school to allow "the pill" for girls from ages 11 up. ELEVEN?!? Am I the only one who feels like this is a problem? Yeah, I know people are humpin with no clothes on at a real young age now but giving the pill to an eleven year old is utterly ridiculous. I would not give these lil kids a "get outta jail free card" - a free pass to screw without consequence. I know its hard. I got young teenage friends and family with kids and it aint no fun for them BUT I feel like they need to deal with it if they get pregnant. I would rather them atleast teach the kids how to use a condom. In my opinion, giving them the pill would open a door for them start having outta control unprotected sex and the whole idea is a bad idea. Rather than give these kids an easy escape from responsibility, somebody need to pull these parents to the side and pistol whip some knowledge into them until they do a better job raising their kids. Somebody need to get a hold onto reigns and explain to these little bastards that at the age of 11, they should be out playin kickball or watchin spongebob rather than spreadin their legs on their little undeveloped bodies. But maybe Im wrong... It is the new millenium... 30 is the new 20 so I guess 11 is the new... Wait... now that doesnt make sense at all...

Raising the dead.

I sat back today and started thinkin.... In fact Ive been thinkin a whole lot lately about a whole lot of different things. And not only have I been thinkin; Ive also been talkin to other people about what Ive been thinking about. Do you know what I found out? I found out that the stuff that Im dealing with are being dealt with by all my people to the same degree, if not more than what Ive been dealing with.

Dont know how many of you actually read the last blog I had put up before I decided to make it for preferred readers only, but I deleted anyway. I got to the point where I didnt care anymore and it wasnt worth talkin about and all that "apologizing" at the end to the person Ive "hurt" didnt really matter either cause she dont care and sayin Im sorry for a time when I did the best I could is just makin me look silly and desperate. Yeah... I love you too (right...) but you can go to hell by yourself.

MEANWHILE.... Across town....

We're meeting EXTRA-Hollywood, EXTRA-regular brownskinned chicks who seem to have it in their mind that they are God's gift to men. Dont know who their last boyfriend was but I do know who their next boyfriend will NOT be. And that person is me. Cant do it. We all play the same games. Yeah, I need you in my life and I love you too. On second thought, I think I'll pass.

I did get more evidence that the average person has the attention span of a 3 month old. Many times its really "out of sight, out of mind". People be on some "I like you because you're here right now, but when you leave, Ima cheat." Of course nobody says that but. Its prevelent in the behavior of my peers.

I was tellin my homeboy today -

I said: Homeboy?

My homeboy said: huh?

I said: Why it seem like the game so different now? Why does it seem like it doesn't pay to be reliable, trustworthy, and honest. Why do more women chase me when I act like a deaf mute who doesn't care about anything than when I sit back and try and treat them like my mother told me to. Its almost like they've adapted themselves to want a man that will dog them out. But you best believe, as soon as they havin trouble with that fella of theirs, yours truely gets a phone call at 1:14 am in the morning (yeah, I remember the time) with you cryin tombout "I just feel so bad. He dont care about me. I aint got no friends because of him. He put his hands on me. Im depressed." Nigga, the list goes on.

So, Im tryin to kick it with this chick who tellin me all this stuff about how she so "different" than most girls and as a result, gets the short end of the stick. I call. We talk. I have a good time. She expresses the same sentiment and I proceed to ask - "Whens a good time to call you?" and she starts tellin me her schedule of availability and suggest "tomorrow after..." and Im thinkin cool. Ill do that. Now everthing inside of me is remembering my past experiences when women who I wasnt "super" cool with said "Oh yeah. Call me tomorrow." I even told one chick I was gone call her in a few days and she proceeded to sound disappointed askin me "A few days?!? What happened to tomorrow?!?" I gave in. In all those cases, I gave in. And you know what I got in each and every case of "Call me tomorrow?" I got a voicemail and a non-returned telephone call. This last case was no exception to the rule. My self-esteem was fighting for a while. He kept makin excuses for her: "Dont worry about it brother. She just got tied up doing somethin. She had a lot of school work. She was tired and went to bed. The baby was cryin. The streetlights were on. Her momma was callin her." Yeah... He was tellin me everything he could possibly think of. But at the end of the day, I dont know the truth. All I know is I aint get no phone call. And with that fact, I am faced with a choice. The super crazy thing is, many of the times, I didnt even feel like talkin. It would be one of those "common curtesy" things; me just keeping my word - "You take someone out, you're supposed to call them the next day" type thing. M. I. S. take. I go from being a nice guy to a clingy guy who talks too much. The crazy thing is, you spend your whole life listening to your parents, tryin to be this "perfect man" so that you can always put forth your best foot, only to be virtually obsolete by the time its showtime. I hope that aint the case, but the thought is very scary.

Side note: I broke the code the other day. A young lady was talkin to my friend and acted like I aint know nothin about it. I would give her advice and stuff to help them out in the situation. So here I am tryin to be cool with the female and, in order to make sure she trust me so I can still put my two cents in every now and again, I gotta keep my mouth shut to my homeboy. This way when somethin serious does go down I can give him the inside track and save his life. Long story short - she did my homeboy dirty. I kept my mouth shut for a while and proceeded to watch all this stuff kinda hit the fan. This was about two years ago and I just told him yesterday. He knew that I was cool with her but he aint know she was callin me cryin in the midnight hours and stuff like that. But I saw that he was a lil bent over the situation and I did what friends do - I helped the nigga self-esteem and told him about how she called me cryin over him and stuff when they broke up. Yeah... It wasnt playa at all but I had to help him because I woulda wanted somebody to help me out if a chick just up and left me completely confused. I told. In other news, me and the chick stopped being cool about 3 weeks after her and my homeboy fell out. She then managed to (Im putting this nicely) momentarily loose control and then settle down with this square fella (Who she eventually fell out with and then called me about it again, but I think they ended up getting back together). At any rate, we aint cool no more. Havent been for about a year. Triflin and over-sensitivity aren't a good combination. After realizing I didnt care no more I went ahead and told my homeboy so he could feel better about himself. We'll never see her again anyway.

Back to what I was talking about....

Yes. The battle continues to wage with me fighting becoming a by product of my environment. But I can only be cannon fodder for so long. Chivalry is dead. It doesnt work. Its not appreciated. And it almost seems as if its unwanted... Ima still do my thing though. Cant aid the cause by joining the crowd. But its better that it doesnt get no worse. And Lord knows Ive been prayin for it to get better....

Just Talkin...

So I've stopped writing for a while... Cant say I had a reason other than not having anything to write about. But I got bored the other day when my power went out and decided that I would look at some of my old blogs on the internet on my telephone. I came to I noticed that my myspace blog had still been getting a decent number of hits, even though I hadnt written on here in what feels like forever. So I said to myself, "Self, you owe it to them to tell them a new story cause old stuff gets boring." So.... Here I am....

OK, so I've been workin this job for about 4 years, looking at the same ugly old faces over and over again, talkin to the same customers about the same mess every day and Im noticing that its starting to feel REALLY routine. And routine equals BORING. The sad part about this boring routine is that, while I know this cant be the end for me, I feel like the only alternatives would be to quit my job, find a hobby that Im not bored to death of or introduce somebody new into my life. I think I'll play it safe and make some new friends. So, Im up at the school again cause it just started again for me, and Im thinkin to myself "I feel so removed from this, yet I think its time get my social life goin again." So I proceed to talk to strangers of different shapes and sizes and found myself kind of fond of two of the females I met. One who was real cool and had some of the most beautiful eyes I have stared into for a very long time and the other is finna seriously give me a reason to like lightskinned girls again (LOL). I sober up after being struck for a moment and gather the information I needed to get myself together... Fighting pessimism cause we all know how it goes when a chick is fly and she knows it - cool today; not so cool tomorrow. I tell myself "but Im me!!!" and Im back on top of my game. Gotta return to what I love best - that UPS brown. It hasnt let me down yet.

Let me step to the side for a minute and tell you somethin about brown skinned women. I LOVE brown skinned women. And if they can some how manage to have that smooth "I belong on an Oil of Olay commercial" type skin with that golden glow like they just been dipped in the sun by God himself, I just might have to ask God for them. I dont know what happened, but it gets me every time. I've been told that Im siking myself out because I just hate that I want a lightskinned girl so bad and cant have one. Part of me begs to differ and the other part of me doesnt care to argue with such a rediculous comment. Im me.

School seems to be goin ok. The classes will be rather simple but I wont take them lightly because I know how quickly one of the most difficult exams ever can creep up on you and then you sittin there with it in your hand like "she aint never went over NONE of this stuff in class!!!" And you manage to scuffle up a B minus. Not good enough. On some real talk, I kinda gotta take it back to highschool and use an attractive female as motivation to be to class on time.... or come at all.... I know it sounds crazy but it helped me get through highschool and I had a 3.6 with advanced courses then, which may not be great but its pretty good considering the fact that I aint wanna be there.

This is random but I think I wanna talk about love now....
I had a few lil relationships over the past few years. Most of which Im glad are over with. I take that back. Let me rephrase that. ALL of which Im really glad are over with. Now you may ask me why. You might even think that I would be lonely. And I wont lie to you, there are times when I would rather have a committed relationship with someone versus just going out with some random female whose last name I probably wont remember in 6 months. But, the thing that I have learned over the years is that its better to be really selective and then make one smart decision than it is to make a whole lot of dumb decisions and wake up bitter. The retort I usually hear is "How you gone know what you like if you aint in relationships?!?" This is why I date. You see, in dating, as long as you dont mind taking the risk that that female may show up with a boyfriend that aint you, you can get all the information you need about the character of that individual without having to worry about locked down with a lunatic and not knowing how to break it to them that you want them to go away. I feel like many of these relationships and stuff have things kinda jacked up because their interview process is too short - they go from hello to I love you in 3 weeks and then proceed directly into this EXTREMELY long semi-monogomous relationship with empty promises of getting married "one day real soon". And when they finally get married, it last for 3 weeks. The interview process is too short, the relationship has no foundation other than a "feeling" (and we all know feelings come and go) and the marriage comes along in the form of "This is the right thing to do...." Not me.... Cant do it. Im not finna marry nobody just because they met a time requirement. On some "Congratulations! You dealt with my sh*t for 9 years and you can now be upgraded to the special bonus title of MARRIAGE!!!" Im leaning towards..... hell no. I like to look at someone who I want to marry like this: If I was locked up in an 8 by 8 room with this person and nothing else, after two days would I be content or would I try to find the quickest way outta what would be hell? Is this someone I could feel comfortable sharing my problems with? Does she keep her word? Is she reliable? Does she even know how to love? People are so far removed from this line of thinking.

You see, these days, our hierarchy goes a little somethin like this:

1. SEX APPEAL
2. PHYSICAL BEAUTY
3. FINANCES
4. COMPATIBILITY
5. CHARACTER.

It should go more like this:

1. WHAT GOD SAYS
2. CHARACTER
3. COMPATIBILITY
4. PHYSICAL BEAUTY
5. FINANCE (Only because without finance, there is no romance so sex appeal goes out the window.)

Now I cant say I follow the rules all the time cause if somebody's stats are too low in the Physical Beauty area, I cant say I would stick around long enough to find out how great their character is. And I know I aint the only one who feels like that. Although I will say this, you aint lived until you dated an ugly girl. (LOL! Just playin...) But for real though, a lot of people get caught up in the allure of sex appeal, physical beauty and how much money the other person got and dont even bother to sit down and say to themselves "Do I even like this person?!?" Its heartbreaking to wake up and realize that you've been waisting so much time, but sometimes you just gotta be real with yourself. Deep down inside you know that you only think about him/her when you're horny. You try to tell yourself it aint like that but soon realize that you cant remember not ONE meaningful conversation you all have had - its all jokes and when can I come over. And while most of the stuff I say today wont gonna cross my mind tomorrow when I run into one of my lil lightskinned friends, its encouraging for me to know that atleast 75% of this stuff that I talk about is hidden somewhere deep within me and will aid me in making the right decisions.... eventually.

NO SMOKING!

Yeah, so its been a while... But at any rate...

I was heading to check my email the other day and I see this advertisement about lowering your blood pressure. Something that is connected to some headphones that plays some tones, which the user is supposed to match his/her breathing to. It has some type of measuring tool that matches the users breathing first and then gradually helps them to slow their breathing rate down using the tones. So I started just slowing my breathing down just to see how it would effective I could be without the device. Not that I got high blood pressure, but I just figure, if I can get my breathing down to 7 inhales and exhales per minute without this device, why would anybody in their right mind pay for it? But this wasnt my revelation. My revelation was smoking. I felt like I was smoking. And it dawned on me that this is why people say that smoking relaxes them and calms their nerves, even though all the stuff inside of the cigarettes cause all types of problems in the body and do every thing but calm you. Its the breathing. Its the extended exhaling of the smoke that slows the heart rate, relaxes the walls of all the passageways that you blood is flowing through and, overall, decreases the blood pressure. You breathe long enough like that while laying down and you'll be sleep in no time.

Maybe Im making a connection here that really isnt but it makes logical since for the first time to me. I could never understand why people smoke or what the reason was behind it - why they smoke it when they get anxious, nervous, scared, etc. While I will never do it, I can finally understand how some people say somethin so deadly makes them feel so good. On the other hand, I aint a huge fan of getting lung cancer so, I'll just stick to breathing in oxygen.

The birth and death of an a**hole...

So I wake up this morning realizing that I done changed a whole lot. Im feeling like a small piece of God and being down to earth, for a while, was kinda hard. But now it aint. So Ima tell you a story about how it became hard and what made it soft again.

I use to have a hard time apologizing. Didnt understand the need sometime to just be the bigger person and apologize just for the sake of someone else's feelings. Couldnt do it. I aint even wanna apologize when I was wrong. I'd just find a way to make up without ever having to say anything. That was good for me. It was easy. I also cast the same mentality on other people so it was easy to forgive. I would just let a lot of stuff roll off my back. Then, around the age of 17 or 18 or so, during a prayer, I felt the need to let that mentality go. God made me realize it was time to let that mentality go. So I tried..... I failed a few times, but I eventually got it to the point where it actually started to feel good to say "Im sorry" and not go through days of not speaking or just being angry over somethin stupid.

Yeah.... Helped me out a WHOLE lot. BUT.....

for some strange reason, as a result of finding apologizing so easy, forgiving actually became a lot harder.

Its hard to forgive and remain friends with the female who I took out for about 6 months fell out and got back together for another 6 or so; eatin at restuarants she cant pronounce the names of and probably couldnt afford without me but some how managed to put a "best friend" label on me during this second "togetherness" even though I had made my intentions very clear.

Its hard to forgive being told basically, "We can go out if somebody else dont come through for me." And then when confronted with the psychoticness of this notion, this person says something to the effect of "Forgive me for being me, but get over it." Yeah.... Suck it up like a kotex....

Its hard to forgive and continue picking up a phone call from someone who continuously makes plans and promises to do things at certain times and then always cancelling but not informing me until 2 hours (or days) after the appointed time - not even doing so on their own. More or less after I've called/texted and said something to the effect of "What happened Friday?"

Its hard to forgive someone who says they've always loved you yet you begin to realize that they operate on an "out of sight, out of mind" and manage to contact you when they find it convenient and need a self esteem booster or their current boyfriend (who they aint supposed to have anyway) done abused them - verbally and/or physically.

SO...... After being feed so much BS, I seemingly had no choice but to become an a**hole.

I replicated the behavior.

I told my boys, me and her were just friends. I told her that I loved her.

I inserted words like "might" infront of "call you back" with no intentions of doing so. Or saying things like "Im busy, Ima call you back if it aint too late when Im done" and Im just watchin TV.

I pretended to be sincere when in person with people and then found 16 reasons in my mind why it was OK to change my mind after I walked away.

Yeah..... A**hole.

But now I see. I see that by replicating the behavior, I had become them. I had become what I hated most; the thing that has given me gray hair and a hatred inside of people that only God himself could remove. Killed some good situations with good people. Yeah. I know. Just let it go. And I do now, but it wasnt always easy. God had to change me. He had to show me that whatever energy I give off is the same energy Im gonna get back from other people. Whatever I sow, I will reap. My mentality had to be completely remolded and reshaped. I had to understand that if I ever wanted to have fun with people, I had to be a fun person. If I ever wanted to be taken seriously, I needed to be a serious person. My word had to be my bond. If I wanted to be respected, I had to give respect. So that in the end it wont be "Here we go again" but instead "I like him, he's a good person." And regardless of how bad things may go between me and whoever Im dealing with, they'll never be able to say "He did me dirty." Never again...

Fruit Roll-Up

Alright so, Im a grown man, right? And grown men are supposed to like grown-up things, right? So explain to me why I was in Sams club buying the super economy sized box of fruit roll-ups.... Yeah.... Now, I aint had a fruit roll-up since I was like 12. And Im like "Its time...." It was one of the greatest decisions Ive made this year. NO human being can resist the allure of the fruit snack. That ish is GOOD!!! Every. Single. Savory. Mouth watering bite is delicious.

OK so lets get to the point of the blog. I woke up this morning as angry as a small peice of hell. Dont even ask me what I was mad about cause I cant really even remember. It doesnt even matter. Do you know why? Cause I spotted the super economy-sized box of fruit roll-up and copped me TWO (2) before leaving from work today. Instantly upon touching them a huge kool-aid smile popped up on my face and everything that was bothering me didnt even matter anymore. And I know it aint just me. I got proof. My co-worker was arguing with her ex-husband; guy had her all teary eyed and stuff. I popped around the corner lookin like the Burger King man with a smile on my face and a fruit roll-up in my hand - forgot about it. The day got started over for her. The lady was smiling and laughing again. Dont believe me? I'll give you another example. Another co-worker of mine got disturbed by these annoying customers to the point where his head started hurting. I was like "Yo son, you want a fruit roll-up." Headache? - GONE!

Its a miracle worker. God knew what he was doing when he made the fruit roll-up. Its like it brings out the inner child in us or something that returns everything good about the innocence of our childhood rushing back to our brain all at once. Its one of the greatest feelings ever. The only problem is that its so small...

Take it slow

So Im sitting here in my car and I put the Little Brother Minstrel Show CD in my CD player and I come accross track number 7. I think its called "Take it slow". At any rate on one of the verses the guy says something to the effect of:

"Sometimes I feel like Im from another world
when I try to tell a woman just exactly where I stand at
I wanna girl when I wanna a girl
and when I dont wanna girl
I wanna girl who understand that
and thas some hard sh*t to explain
to a woman whose in love with you
its a pitiful thing
but now I figure
that I dont wanna play around
but I dont wanna settle down
thats a mans dilemma."

And then it hit me.... This is exactly how I feel. Its why I try to fix jacked up situations from my past sometimes even though it aint work the first time. Mad I caught a lil ministry from a rap cd but I couldnt put it into words before and it felt good to realize I wasnt the only one - But then I guess that just makes this hip-hop and not rap at all. I seriously dont wanna play around but really cant settle down. Thats evident in the fact that I wont cheat on a girl, I'll just let them go - cause no woman will ever understand any of that quote, so I really dont bother to explain it. Then I return and take the blunt of the blame cause anything spoken along those lines wont do anything to help the situation. The next few months are spent trying to make her believe that I aint as bad as I sometimes seem to be even though sometimes it does seem like you dont mean anything, but you do. Infact many times you mean everything - atleast outside of God and my family. Its a backwards line of thinking that says "Be happy if I get mad at you and never call you again, cause if I keep callin you like nothin happened then I obviously didnt really care (unless I done that so much that Im fed up) - But then right here is where I expect you to call to show me that I wasnt the only one who was caring." Yeah, that sounds crazy but Im sure deep down inside whoever your next man is would co-sign, if he was really honest with himself. So I've been fixin myself to learn how be calm and content. Never settling, just understanding that if she understands who God is and believes, knows how to act in public, is attractive and attracted to me, can keep her word and do what she say she gone do; this may very well be my dime peice - the queen that I have prayed for all my life. And I may as well stop lookin and make this lady my wife.

I recognize that nobody wants to be told "sometimes I wanna be bothered and sometimes I dont" but thats real. Funny thing is that I dont consider any of it playin games. Playin games would be sayin I love you when I dont really feel that way or courtesy callin when I dont feel like talkin. Playin games would be me not picking up the phone even though I wanna talk but I cant always be available cause I want the person on the other side to want me more. Thats what playin games is all about. I dont play games - I go away. Maybe it takes too long for me to return. Maybe my "take it slow" is movin a lil bit too slow. I dont know, but I will make an effort to make an effort the next time somebody makes an effort to understand "that". Yeah...

Love and Sleep

Alright so normally I dont just write a lot of mess in this blog, but Im sitting at my job just tryin to stay awake. The typing is so sloppy Im tempted to just leave them uncorrected because fixing my mistakes is starting to get really irritating. But I just gotta keep my eyes open. Please dont judge my abilities by this poor blog. My other stuff is much, much better. Infact you should stop reading this and read some of the other post. I am sllleeeeeeppppyyy and very much so ready to go. I dont even have any thing to say and Im probably just wasting your time if youre reading this cause I dont really have any thought provoking thoughts. I really dont have any thoughts at all. Im gonna make an attempt at something just to make an attempt at something.

I read my bible this morning. I read in 1st Corinthians chapter 13; maybe like the first 10 verses or so. So its talking about love. Its talking about how love is long suffering and kind; how it keeps no records of past wrong doings and evils, etc. It says love isnt jealous and doesnt boast or anything like that. After reading this, I started doing a lil soul searching. I started to look at my life and search for any instances, in any one of any of my past relationships where I was able to go through "long suffering" with somebody or was able to continually forgive someone for their "wrong doings" as they used me for a human toilet. I cant say I have felt that way for any female. Now I know that this scripture isnt referring specifically to love inside of an opposite sex relationship; moreso along the lines of "love thy neighbor", treat people how you wanna be treated and "forgive 7 times 70..." BUT the same rules should apply. You shouldnt treat your significant other any worse than you treat your best friend. Even if your best friend is just your bitch............. (female dog).

Im sorry. I just couldnt resist.


Anyway. After realizing that I hadnt felt "that feeling" anytime recently, I began to question whether or not I was capable with my current line of thinking. It reminded me of a magazine article I read a while ago in some magazine which was talkin about this guy and his new found girlfriend. Now, the writer of the article was lookin at this guy and observing his actions and he was talkin about how the guy was all up under her and probably would have done anything this female would have asked him to; describing him as being relatively "soft" and "whipped". Then the writer had a moment; he got a revelation. He said "maybe this guy has it right and we've all had it wrong all this time." I think the writer began to see exactly how scarred and bitter men have become by his own, very common, thought process. I think society.... On second thought I dont even feel like getting into how society has shaped our thought processes and gender bias and stuff like that. I dont feel like it. Society is jacked up. Period.


Yeah, so.... Im done talkin now. Im still sleepy. Im sorry for wasting your time if I did, but oh well. Thanks for keeping me up. Peace.

Colorblind

I feel a little strange. I feel strange because the world is forcing me to see color more than I want too. I want to be one of those people who dont see the lines or disparity - BUT unfortunately the people in power are making that nearly impossible.

Over the past few weeks I've seen quite a few things that made me think Dave Chappelle was right; everytime those politicians speak and say words like "Minority", they really just wanna say Nigga. Im seeing a chain of events thats occurring to further downplay the importance of the darker skinned american throughout history. It started out with the boy king movie NOT being played during black history month; something that used to be played every black history month. "Oh no we dont need to play that, they dont really wanna watch that anyway. Lets just put on another re-run of the Waynes Brothers. They like to laugh".

We went from that to it not being neccessary to apologize for slavery. With a response to our request that was basically a mockery of their request. Saying something to the affect of "We cant just go around apologizing for everything everybody did throughout history. And besides, I wasnt even alive back then". The bad part about it was that the general public went on a rampage about the topic in an ad on the AJC in which many people showed their true colors. Racism is pumping through the veins of many red blooded americans. I know a lot of people are going to say "You just now figuring that out?!?" but its different to know it some where deep in your mind versus hearing several people say it out of their mouths. I had a real Mario Winans moment - I dont wanna know. Suspecting it and seeing the monster face to face is a huge difference. BUT... We keep moving. Right after all of that we see a proposal for a month to celebrate the confederacy and its "integral" part in US history breeze through the powers that be without opposition. ????? Im speachless after that one..... but there is still more.

This Don Imus fella calls the Lady Rutgers basketball team "Nappy Headed Hos" and its another uproar. The station he works for loses two of its major advertisers during his show, one being Proctor and Gamble and the other escapes me right now, and Imus gets a mere 2 weeks suspension. Now normally, I could care less about what people say but then I had an "A time to kill moment". I asked myself "What if Imus was black and he referred to the Lady Tennessee Vols as 'Stringy Haired Hos' AND loss two main advertisers?!? What would have been his punishment then? I'll tell you. He would have been fired. I dont care how long he's been there. I dont care about his community service. I dont care about his past history. He would have been outta there that day. No debate on CNN. No meeting with the team. You wanna know how I know it's a double standard?!? Look at the Tim Hardaway situation. Tim Hardaway says he doesnt like homosexual people after being asked his opinion and he loses everything that even resembles a job; all endorsements - everything. Still not convinced?!? Look at the guy commentating the at that Florida Gator college football game when that fight broke out. He makes a statement something to the effect of "Thats what Im talking about. You bring that mess in the swamp and you get stomped".

Yeah.... Gone.

Anybody who even remotely tarnishes the image of the company is gone withouth question. There's no apologizing and getting your job back. There's no 2 week suspension. You are jobless.

The latest thing was the Corretta Scott King issue. Now while I think the legislator may have made a slightly extreme analogy by saying it was like calling Corretta Scott King a "nappy headed nigger" when they rejected her photo from being hung in the capital, she was who she was and she did what she did and if she was not a "nappy headed nigger", we probably wouldn't be having this conversation. BUT maybe Im wrong.... Maybe she WAS just another black lady, married to just another black man, who doesnt have his own national holiday, and maybe she didnt have 4 presidents at her funeral making speeches about her like the knew her personally when they probably didnt.

Truth be told, I dont wanna see any of this. I wanna feel like our world is perfect; like we have already gotten past all of this stupidity. But our ignorance as human beings make it impossible for ignorance to be bliss.

That "Graveyard Love"

There was a term my sister use to use a while ago called "Graveyard Love". This is that "love" that some people have where one person has to die before they seperate. And we aint figuratively speaking either. We talking bout people committing suicide or killing each other over it. But mainly it was a joke the equivalent of calling somebody "whipped" or somethin like that.

Yeah so...

Im down at my job yesterday when somethin crazy happens. This lady gets shot by this man in the lobby of the Omni hotel which is attached to the CNN building, which is right up the street from where I work. Now, normally I probably would have been over there getting some snacks but today I was at the post office mailing off some important documents. At any rate, I hear about this story when I get back and there's all these cloudy details - two men had a shootout, gang violence, the man died, etc. Finally, all the information got cleared up and we find out its an argument between a man and a lady, the man gets mad, shoots her and then the security guard on duty shoots him. The lady dies and the man is rushed to the hospital and operated on. Now I asked myself a question, what could possibly make this man so mad that he would shoot her? I mean, I dont understand. If she said something crazy, how about walking away, deleting a phone number, or if it came down to it and he just had to get physical, why couldn't he just hit her once in the top of the head so it wouldnt leave a bruise? Why he had to shoot the girl? Now, truth be told, I don't know the situation. She coulda did somethin really low down, like sleep with his daddy/bestfriend/brother/all three or somethin, but come on, man. And I don't know how true it is but I've heard some rumor/report that she was pregnant. So now you got two people who have passed away over some mess that they probably coulda just talked about or just let go. It is probably easier for me to say that since, to some people, I have a reputation for cutting people off and them not even knowing why, which is both good and bad at the same time. But I cant think of any one of my past relationships that I feel like the girl needed to be shot or even anything that I have done that woulda got me killed. Maybe Im wrong, though..... Coulda been that "Graveyard Love" for real.....

Special Bum Fund

Yeah... I had to write today because I just had a bum try to hate on me on my way back from pickin up some snacks. The nigga (excuse my language, but Ima lil blowed) gone ask me for some change and when I told him I aint have none to share (since I dont carry cash downtown, just my debit card) he started the hate. The nigga said his lil viscious comments.

Then I said to myself: "Self?"

myself say: "Huh?"

I said: "Didnt that guy just ask you for some money cause you look like you had some?"

and myself said: "Yeah, I think he did."

Then I said: "So why is actin like I didnt just tell him the truth AND do him a favor by NOT helping him out since he is an able bodied young male who has passed about 3 'Now Hiring' signs to come and ask me for some of what I worked for when aint nothin wrong with him?"

Myself said: "..."

Yes, Im all for helping people out who really NEED help but I cant do nothin for a nigga who just wanna be pacified. I remember when I first started going to college, I had a set budget for myself of $60. $60 dollars to be downtown for 5 days; 3 hours a day. Explain to me how I was broke at the end of the week. I'll tell you how. Giving to people who talkin bout, "I just need 75 more cents so I can get on the train to go to the hospital to see my son" or "I just got out of prison and..." etc. I done heard them all. They tell you that and then 2 hours later you see them outside of McDonalds joking with their friends with a cigarette and 40 ounce. And naw, that aint racist or snobbish or playin on no stereotype - its real because I seen it. And them niggas took advantage. SO, as a result, I dont even carry much cash downtown anymore. You might catch me with $3. That way I can look these hatin, ungrateful, theivin', "homeless by choice" people, who I've seen everyday for the past 5 and 1/2 years, in the eye and tell them "No, Im sorry, I cant help you." I cant help you if you aint tryin to help yourself...

But I will give to a positive charity of your choice.....

I dont want to be no racist....

I am upset. I am upset because I have been deceived into believing that we had come sooooo far; that this nation was well on its way to beginning to begin to grow just a little bit on this long journey to stop seeing color.... Then I saw this BS that got me HOTTT. The very first comment blew my mind. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. And then the sad part is the comments didn't get better. They got worse. More and more co-signing of the most idiotic and inconsiderate thought process I have seen in quite a while. I really wanted to leave this topic alone. I really did. I wanted to let go of the whole "We need an apology for slavery" topic, but I can't. And now I want an apology. Yes. I. do. I want one now just because they dont want to give it to us. It just burns me up on the inside that they wont even give us the common courtesy of saying "Im sorry". You know what I think about that and all of those racist who co-sign their behavior?!? I say... I can't say what I think because I just might lose my job for being racist.... And I am not a racist... I'm smarter than that....

I can't even write anymore. Its disgusting. Read the comments for yourself. You'll understand... If you aint no racist.....

Maybe Im Selfish.... and wrong.... but....

Yeah. So maybe Im feelin real "Pro-Black" right now or something but I saw somethin that got me heated all over again about that whole "Sorry, no apology for slavery but we will propose a Confederates month" thing. It was an article in the AJC that was talkin about how survivors of the Holocaust were to split 300 million dollars. Now that aint no money to be split between approximately 48,000 people BUT they are getting something... And we cant even get an apology.... I know. I know. What would you give all these black people who helped build the nation? How could you possibly begin to repay for the years of free labor that laid the foundation for many of the initial states? I would suggest starting very modestly with half. Yes... half of everything would be a great way to start. I know Im being generous but like I said, that would be a good starting point to grow from. But we have to atleast get half. Do you know why? Because this, in reality, is a nasty divorce and black america is the man who done worked to establish this family and now is being forced to pay child support, give up the house, the car and the kids and then, on top of all that, pay alimony. This is us. Cant get respect for the past and forced to survive with a semi-aborted and programmed future where more than half is already gone to our wife (read: everybody but us) because we got married to someone who never loved us anyway. So now most of us are tryin to keep our self esteem up in order to get a job and retire at 65. And by getting a job I mean working twice as hard to get half as much. Yes... The analogy is a stretch, but I dont know but a few black people who came up off of an inheritance - and I cant even name them right now... Maybe Im trippin though...

Colored People Coalition

A few weeks ago I clowned the NAACP. I clowned them, not only for calling themselves "Colored People", (like they couldnt have found a better name) but for begging for an apology from the state Georgia for its participation in slavery. I said "Dont they have anything else better to do than to beg somebody for a public apology for something they are probably secretly proud of? Why dont they take on a more serious issue, like fighting the mentalities that cause black people to live up to the negative stereotypes that are placed on blacks? What good would an insincere apology do?" But sadly I was wrong. They need to keep working on silly stuff like this because we really aint come that far as a nation. Explain to me why a bill to have a Confederate History Month "sailed through a Senate committee ...without any opposition." Now here's a quote from the AJC about the apology that NAACP asked for: "I take the same approach to this that I have to all [requests for] apologies. I am not certain government ought to be apologizing," House Speaker Glenn Richardson (R-Hiram) said. "Nobody here was in office" So let me get this straight... They dont think its important to apologize for it, but its ok to celebrate the people who facilitated the behavior?!? This, in my opinion, would set us back as a nation hundreds of years if it were to come to pass. They may as well start another campaign for a national holiday celebrating the institution of slavery. After all, the country did grow substantially off of their free labor.....

25 to life

So Im lookin at the news the other day and I see how they are talkin about this Brian Nichols character. After realizing that they were talking about his trial I asked myself a question. I said to myself "Why is this guy getting a trial?!?" I honestly don't know how anybody can honestly say anything other than guilty when dealing with this case. They were in the court when it happened, they have several eye witnesses AND they got him on tape in the courthouse. Im sorry if I got it twisted, but what other evidence do you need to convict someone these days. There is no way possible that this jury can have any reasonable doubt. None. So you know exactly which approach the defense is going to have - insanity. Im sorry but if he gets anything less than life, which would actually be a blessing, I am going to have to lose all respect for our justice system. What our system needs to do is start contracting the prisons of other countries' governments. Other countries have REAL prison. It aint no basketball, no exercise, no "fun in the sun" with free food and cable. From what I've seen on tv and stuff, their prisons are HELL. On some serious, "we're not sure if we're gonna eat today" type prison. Yeah... I hear its dangerous on the inside of our prison because of other inmates who are dangerous, but our system itself is a little bit too lenient. Let somebody get shipped off to China or Mexico or somethin for about 4 months after doing an armed robbery and see wont that be the last time they every commit that crime. People be doin silly stuff in America cause they know the consequences are basically little to none. Things would change if people started getting life for having weed in their luggage like that lady did a few years ago in Bali. I could be wrong, though...

Where's the love?

Piggybacking off of Down for the Struggle... Over the past few years Ive learned that the only thing that prevents a relationship from being successful is lack of maturity. You see, when two whole with identities people get together, after a thorough interview, there should be absolutely no reason to break up. None. A mature person will recognize red flags of the individual in mind before they get together. There wont be a lot of make-up to break-up type stuff happening - no 3 month relationships - no cheating. Why? Because a mature person has good idea of who they are, who they aren't, what they want, and what they need.

Ive learned a lot about people simply by looking at other people's situations. Watching people who get in viscious cycles of off and on relationships or are notorious for having a high level of rotation; people who I say have the "revolving door" syndrome. Off and on relationships are emotionally taxing and the "revolving door" syndrome is dangerous cause somebody is gonna get seriously attached and may not want to accept the idea of being left alone for somebody else (read: stalker)

This past year I saw people break up who I thought woulda been together forever, I saw people together who I aint ever think woulda got together, I saw people work the off and on like a shorted out light switch, and Ive been apart of a revolving door as well as set up one of my own. I even heard a story from a guy I know who said that when he was younger, he moved in with his girlfriend of several years and, while he was at work, she started "tricking" and then left him for some other girls. And yes.... I did say "SOME other GIRLS". The cycle is viscious but it can be stopped. It can be stopped with maturity and the development of an identity. Maturity can stop you from indulging in extra curricular activities with people who are not your significant other. It will aid in the discipline needed to stay with somebody even though you see some "greener grass." It will also help you recognize exactly the things that you need before you get envolved too deep and have to end up making a decision. I haven't seen any other reason to break up. Well, maybe finances. But for the most part maturity can solve a lot of issues that cancel out our relationships. I could be wrong, though.....

Athletes

So Im lookin at this website right. And Im sayin to myself, "Why is Evander Holyfield still trying to fight at 44?" Maybe he needs money. I dont know. But what I do know is, if he dont sit down somewhere soon he'll end up like his homeboy Ali - Prolly not even able to piss good cause he shakin so much. These professional athletes need to know when to sit down before they end up having to get put down. What is it that makes a 44 year old man think he's the million dollar baby all over again? - He is WELL out of his prime. Yeah.... Dont know what he's doing.

Meanwhile, on another website there's this story about a guy from the NBA who has come out and said that he hates gay people. Yeah, he messed up. They asked him what he thought about that John Amechi(sp) fella coming out of the closet and he said on live radio that he hates them and "would ask the organization to remove that player from the team" if he were playing with a homosexual. He said that he was homophobic. Needless to say he got removed from all of his scheduled appearances as a representative of the NBA. Yeah.... He messed up. So Tim Hardaway comes back on the radio a few days later and tries to apologize for what he said. Damage done. Sorta like Magic Johnson being diagnosed with HIV, having the disease disappear and later it coming out that there is a great chance that he was falsely diagnosed. Yeah, that kinda forced him into early retirement.... cant get those years back. Damage done. Here's what I would of said if they would have ask me about that guy. "......." Yep. I wouldn't have said nothin. They woulda never asked me on the radio station again cause I would have acted like I never heard anything they said. The most I would have said was "Thats his choice." There would have been silence after that. There is no right answer for someone asking you what you think about somebody else being gay. Do you know why? Because if you are a sports reporter like Tim Hardaway and feel the way he did, the only way you dont lose your job is to be "politically correct" and saying something to the effect of "Im happy with whatever decisions he makes with his life as long as he is happy". But, as a result, you lie and you deny yourself and how you really feel. And maybe Im wrong, but doesn't that defeat the purpose of asking someone their opinion if they can only give one answer anyway? That question was a trap. He was ignorant and he fell for it. He did say somethin that was true, though. If everyone else is heterosexual and uncomfortable with this guy being gay, it just may blow up the team chemistry to have this dude checkin you out when yall in the shower together. I cant give Tim any advice, I cant make any excuses for him, I cant change his mind. What I can say is, if you're gonna say you hate someone, have a better reason for speaking that out than just having a phobia - in fact dont hate anyone. Crazy....

Down for the Struggle

I was lookin at some writing on ajc.com a while ago and they were talkin about how people are choosing to be single now for longer and stuff like that. It was a lot dudes on there whinin like females talkin bout how "the system isn't set up for men because if there is ever a need for a divorce, the woman ALWAYS comes out on top" and stuff like that. They were askin questions like "Why is it that a woman can get child support when they get custody of the children while, if by some miracle, a man can get custody of the child they dont get that same luxury" Yeah.... Thats some real B**** nigga S*** but a very valid point none the less. I say all this to say, it seemed to be more bitter men than there was females. There were a few females calling it "modern day slavery" and stuff like that but, for the most part, there weren't a lot of angry women saying they never wanted to get married and all men are dogs, etc. So I started thinking, maybe marriage is about to come back in style. Maybe men are deciding to slow down a little bit. For a while now it seemed like the climate was moving more toward having a "life partner" and "shacking up" for a while and then getting tired of that person and moving on. But Im starting to feel like the temperature is changing once again. Mainly due to the fact that niggas are struggling. You see, from what I've read on that blog, many people were attributing the fall of marriage to the success of women in the business world. What I mean by that is that they say the more successful women became, the less tolerant they became of males - developing the "I can do bad all by myself" mentality. But now..... Now it looks like things are about to shift back to the way they were. I see a lot of people graduating from college with nothing to do but to go back to school or take some extra regular job doing something that had absolutely nothing to do with the degree they have. This leads me to believe that maybe, just maybe, people may be starting to forget this "single forever" type mentality - that just maybe people will start being a little more tolerant of each others flaws in order to make a relationship extend for more than a couple years.

God taught me a lot this pass year. And one thing I learned is that the only things that can break up a relationship are immaturity and insecurity. Those are the only two things. An immature person lacks the self control needed to keep them away from taking part in pleasure seeking activities outside of the relationship. This includes, not only sex, but also the need for attention from the opposite sex; the need to excessively flirt, etc. These other needs typically stem from the immature person not being completely satisfied with themselves, which leads us to the insecurity I spoke of. Most of the time insecurity will show in the form of the persons need to be in control, jealousness, the need for complements from the significant other to keep their SELF-esteem up, etc.

A person who is truely ready for a relationship has to first be happy alone. They have to be a whole person. You cant have two halves and try to make a whole. Most people I know arent complete or content. Some of them dont have identities at all. So they continue in a viscious cycle of rotating people in and out of their lives that they know they know they wont be with in six weeks. Up until now I couldn't honestly say that I could be happy alone - able to say to myself "If I never get into another serious relationship, Ima be alright". I didnt realized that I was in a cycle until my sister ask me why I had been with so many girls last year that I knew I had no future with and I couldnt really answer her.... Until now. It was immaturity. A need to flirt and get a women to like me even though I may not have really cared too much for them - for the sole purpose of stroking my ego. Just to say "I got such and such and she dot dot dot." It made me indecisive in some cases cause I aint know why I was involved with certain people or what direction I wanted to go with it. So I became David Copperfield and disappeared. Now that Ive grew up a lil bit and dont behave as foolishly, I can say that a great part of me is ready. Time will tell...

I think that if more people become aware of their own flaws and more tolerent of other people's flaws (as I predict will happen) it wont be long before the family comes back. I could be wrong, but Im still putting in my order...

The End of "A Man"

I was just watchin somethin on television and they were talkin about somethin called "Asimo". Now, Asimo is a robot that has been programmed to learn. The goal of these scientist is to one day have these robots advanced enought to cook and clean and other stuff like that. My question is, where is the line drawn? If these robots get really advanced to the point where they can fill all the positions at Mcdonalds with Asimos, how will young teenagers enter the work force? The people in the world could become so lazy since a robot will be doing everything that people just may become obsolete. And dont tell me McDonalds wouldn't do it. The would replace everybody as quickly as humanly possible. Why, you ask?!? The root of all evil - money. You can hire one lazy, pimple faced teenager who doesnt want to be there, give him benefits, a lunch break, and free food (which they would probably steal anyway) OR you can have a robot who doesnt need to eat, drink or sleep - never gets tired and can work all night if you want him to with no break. Yeah... Im takin the robot. He saves me money. Meanwhile, Little Ricky Bobby over here cant get a job, he doesnt know what a honest days work is because he never had to do chores, and only manages to lift his lard up to walk to the bathroom to take a piss. But who knows, by then we might even have a robot to put a suction cup on our privates so we wont even have to get up to do that.

OK so let me be a scientist for a day. I got a couple choices on what to do with my life. I can either: A)Find a cure for aids (or atleast HPV) so people can stop suffering with these man made illnesses OR I can B)build a robot so I wont have to rely on my kid to find the remote for me so I can change the TV channel. I think I'll go with B. It'll ease my conscious if I tell myself these robots will be able to help out in surgery. Plus, having a robot cook for me is so much more baller than lookin at a disease all day. Wear a condom.

Yeah....

So now what we have is the most sorry bunches of people on the planet getting even sorrier, the rich continuing to get richer, the dumb gettin dumber, the lazy getting lazier, and the working class citizen - who is keeping this economy from completely collapsing - being destroyed. NOT baller. But I do have some good news, atleast you can still save a lot of money by switching to Geico. Cause you'll always need car insurance.....

Soul Bowl

I just seen somethin on the front page of one of those free weekly papers. You know, the kind that be in the bin on the sidewalk. At any rate, this newspaper had the two black coaches on from the teams attending the superbowl on it and the quote underneath the picture that said "Soul Bowl". Question: What the hell? Why would you call it the soul bowl? When its two white coaches, did they call it a redneck bowl or the bleach bowl? Why did the two black coaches have to be apart of the "Soul Bowl"? It may as well have been called the underground railroad bowl or the soup bowl. But maybe Im the only one who thinks that this is a problem....

Vicks Vapor Rub

Im thinking... Saw an incident on a website today talkin bout how Vick has basically been caught trying to sneak a water bottle on a plane in Miami with a residue on it that smells something like "Proud Mary." Now what Im thinking about is, couldnt Michael Vick get somebody else to hand deliver some of the best weed ever produced - straight from the motherland or some remote island nobody has ever heard of? Why would he need to go to miami and bring back some Ohh Wee residue? That dont even make sense to me. Forget the fact that he's in the nfl and doesnt need to be smoking anyway; forget that his records for the last few years has been less than stellar (That aint all his fault no way. What kinda staff wont let their quaterback audible?!?); Forget the birds he shot; forget all of that. If you have as much money as Mike Vick has, why would you need to personally sneak weed anywhere? Two things: when you're rich you can get away with murder (Literally) and almost anybody can be bought, almost anybody. So explain to me why Mike didnt A) Understand how to be smart enough not to bring a bottle on the plane. B) Pack the empty bottle and wait til he got home (if that really was weed anyway). C) Pay somebody to have some weed waiting on him when he got of the plane (since he cant smoke up there anyway) or D) Just pay off the person who caught him (yeah thats stupid and probably not plausible, but it could happen). I dont know what he was thinking if that really was weed. The one thing I do know is the fact that he just wasnt thinking.

The Science of Love

I came across an article on yahoo and it was talkin about what men and women find attractive in each other based on scientific studies. You can look at it here. Now I always have had my own interpretation of why and how women choose up and stuff like that but this article was very close to being slightly rediculous. It said that women found men with more masculine facial characteristics to be great for short term relationships but men with more feminine characteristics such as larger lips and more rounded jaw bones where better targets for long term relationships. In the same breath it went on to say that the more masculine men were the choice for majority of the women to "mate" with because of the thought that they would have stronger genes. So let me get this straight, get pregnant by Walker Texas Ranger and spend the rest of your time after he gets done looking for a lame nigga to take care of you and somebody elses kids? I cant say thats cool, but thats what the studies say.

I went on to visit another website that deals with the same topic (You can look at it here.) and this site took it a little further and went on to say that its about a person's genes moreso than what that person looks like. It even went on to talk about how a person is gonna be attracted to another person by their smell and also the by the amount their immune system differs. The idea is to find someone who has an immune system much different from yours in order to insure that your kid has the greatest chance for survival.

Yeah.....

All this stuff is supposedly happening without us even knowing its happening. I can only describe it as the reason a person may still be attached to somebody who treats them like dirt and they cant seem to leave them alone. Its either the immune system or the LD.

The article did have some other points that I did agree with. For example, it talked about how the words we say don't really mean anything. You can beg, and beg, and beg but if they dont want you, they dont want you. Most of the communication is in the body language of the individual. Imitation is the greatest indicator of admiration. If that person mirrors your actions, more than likely they enjoy you as a person on some level. Otherwise, they wouldnt act like you. It also went on to talk about how we usually want someone who looks and/or act like us, our parents or our siblings because thats what we grew up seeing. I thought it was crazy at first, then I thought about most of the women I had been in relationships with....

The last thing that stuck out in my mind was the fact that people are attracted to people who are symmetrical - Identifying symmetrical features as someone having good genes and someone who has asymmetrical features as a person who probably has weak genes or some "defects". I dont think anybody really thinks about all that stuff when picking out somebody to date but if you sit down and really pay attention to it, it kinda makes sense.

I cant say I co-sign everything in these articles but if they are true, it would explain some of my unexplainable "adventures" with certain females. It would also explain why its important for families to be just that - families. With both mother and father in the home. Otherwise, the child may not have a point of reference when looking for a potential mate. I dont know though. Being attracted to a mate by smell is a crazy thought and that whole immune system thing was just bananas. But it could be true....