Take it slow

So Im sitting here in my car and I put the Little Brother Minstrel Show CD in my CD player and I come accross track number 7. I think its called "Take it slow". At any rate on one of the verses the guy says something to the effect of:

"Sometimes I feel like Im from another world
when I try to tell a woman just exactly where I stand at
I wanna girl when I wanna a girl
and when I dont wanna girl
I wanna girl who understand that
and thas some hard sh*t to explain
to a woman whose in love with you
its a pitiful thing
but now I figure
that I dont wanna play around
but I dont wanna settle down
thats a mans dilemma."

And then it hit me.... This is exactly how I feel. Its why I try to fix jacked up situations from my past sometimes even though it aint work the first time. Mad I caught a lil ministry from a rap cd but I couldnt put it into words before and it felt good to realize I wasnt the only one - But then I guess that just makes this hip-hop and not rap at all. I seriously dont wanna play around but really cant settle down. Thats evident in the fact that I wont cheat on a girl, I'll just let them go - cause no woman will ever understand any of that quote, so I really dont bother to explain it. Then I return and take the blunt of the blame cause anything spoken along those lines wont do anything to help the situation. The next few months are spent trying to make her believe that I aint as bad as I sometimes seem to be even though sometimes it does seem like you dont mean anything, but you do. Infact many times you mean everything - atleast outside of God and my family. Its a backwards line of thinking that says "Be happy if I get mad at you and never call you again, cause if I keep callin you like nothin happened then I obviously didnt really care (unless I done that so much that Im fed up) - But then right here is where I expect you to call to show me that I wasnt the only one who was caring." Yeah, that sounds crazy but Im sure deep down inside whoever your next man is would co-sign, if he was really honest with himself. So I've been fixin myself to learn how be calm and content. Never settling, just understanding that if she understands who God is and believes, knows how to act in public, is attractive and attracted to me, can keep her word and do what she say she gone do; this may very well be my dime peice - the queen that I have prayed for all my life. And I may as well stop lookin and make this lady my wife.

I recognize that nobody wants to be told "sometimes I wanna be bothered and sometimes I dont" but thats real. Funny thing is that I dont consider any of it playin games. Playin games would be sayin I love you when I dont really feel that way or courtesy callin when I dont feel like talkin. Playin games would be me not picking up the phone even though I wanna talk but I cant always be available cause I want the person on the other side to want me more. Thats what playin games is all about. I dont play games - I go away. Maybe it takes too long for me to return. Maybe my "take it slow" is movin a lil bit too slow. I dont know, but I will make an effort to make an effort the next time somebody makes an effort to understand "that". Yeah...